Love You Forever

It's here, the last night that we have Hunter and Bubba in our home. Today Brandon and I had the opportunity to meet the boys' grandparents from out of state. They are wonderful people. The boys spent the day with them and came back for one more night with us. I sit here struggling to balance my emotions with my thoughts. On the one hand, I understand everything that has taken place and I KNOW that it is for a reason. I KNOW that these boys are going to be okay. I KNOW that the Lord is mindful of them, their grandparents, and us in this difficult time. And yet with all of this new-found knowledge, I am heartbroken. My heart is in a different place than my mind. I feel like there is this gaping hole in my chest that is surely going to take some time to heal. It is this feeling that leads me to the decision of not being a foster parent any longer. I was strong enough to be there for these boys, to care for them, love them, and cherish them when they needed it most. I am blessed more than words can convey to have known these two little ones. I know without a doubt that I will see them and know them in the life to come. It is this feeling that brings me peace. I wouldn't change having them in our home for the last 9.5 months.

I understand that it's okay to be heartbroken. I know that I am going to ache emotionally for a while, and it's going to take time for me to get over this. But I am grateful for the precious joys and cherished understanding that comes with being a "parent". I can now only look forward to the future that will someday allow me the opportunity to become a mom to my own children, whether it's in this life or the next.

Thank you to everyone that was mindful of our situation, for your considerate thoughts, reassurances, and thoughtful prayers for us these last several weeks/months. We have felt them and can not thank y'all enough.