Okay so we've had our little red-headed ray of sunshine for about 5 weeks now. Everywhere we go, whether it's people we've known for a while, or complete strangers in a restaurant that come to know that she is our foster daughter have started saying the same thing: "She is so lucky to be in your home, and we sure hope that she stays with you forever".
And while this is all well and fine, I don't let it go to my heart. EVER.
For those of you that know the crazy story of the foster boys we had, and the "heart ripped out of our chests" feeling we experienced when they left us, we swore up and down that we were DONE with foster care. After experiencing a case that led to so many people saying things like "get ready, it looks like they are going to be yours", "we the state are going to recommend the boys stay in your home, and move for the rights of the parents to be terminated" and then being told 6 days before court that the state had changed their position and were sending the boys away to live with their grandparents (which turned out to be a great thing though, in the end) I am not taking any word from anyone seriously until a judge rules something one way or another.
You'd think after those types of things being said and done would have made us wave our white flag of surrender and cry "UNCLE" when it came to signing up again to do this. Through a course of events, we were lead down this path again. We felt that God had something up His sleeve this time. We prayed and pondered deeply the implications of taking that step and calling Utah Foster Care to tell them to add us back to their list for available placements (though there were times we wanted to tell them where to stick it...but I digress).
Some of you might think that we are crazy for signing up to do this to ourselves again. Believe me, I feel the same way at times. I'm not even going to say that this little red head is supposed to be ours, because I'm not the One in control. I spent a couple of weeks stressing myself out over things that weren't in my control, and then realized that I am not going to put myself through the emotional stress that I did last time. I would only be setting myself up for the loony bin again (though I hear there are vacancies this time of year...digression again, I know).
I am switching gears again this time. I am going to give it all up to God, and let His will guide this decision to foster again, wherever it may go. Instead of exercising and stretching the boundaries of my sanity (not that there was much to begin with :)) I am going to ride this out on faith. I am thinking more positively, being more supportive of things, and just loving this little one to bits.
I know that God knows that I am not a patient person. That's why this time around I am not cashing my chips on one hope or another. If patience is a virtue, then well......here goes.
Tuesday, April 6
1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? The mouth of my Diet Dr. Pepper bottle.
2. Where was your profile picture taken? Here at the house, using my POS digital camera.
3. Can you play Guitar Hero? I've never tried. Not much of a gamer......
4. Name someone who made you laugh today? My sister Jenny, during one of our zany phone conversations.
5. How late did you stay up last night and why? Was awake until 10:30 or so, then struggled to sleep all night. Yay for me.
6. If you could move somewhere else, would you? Yes. Now the question is where? I wouldn't mind Denver, Boise, San Diego, or Salt Lake City.
7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? Nope.
8. Which of your friends lives closest to you on your FaceBook list? Lyndi, or Anne
9. Do you believe exes can be friends? Yes and No. I dated a bunch of worthless buttheads that somehow found me on FaceBook.
10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper? It's the nectar of the gods.
11. When was the last time you cried really hard? Last Thursday, due to a lack of sleep, and the emotional roller-coaster called foster-parenting.
12. Who took your profile picture? Me, myself, and I.
13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? My beautiful foster daughter.
14. Was yesterday better than today? Abso-frickin-lutely. Diabetes hell broke loose today.
15. Can you live a day without TV? Yes, except Thursdays.
16. Are you upset about anything? Just having such a rough diabetes day. Blood sugar was all over the place.
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? Always! Special people are the soft place for you to land on when things hit the fan, or the place to go for a laugh.
18. Are you a bad influence? No doubt. I am a bad influence on my sisters. hehe....
19. Night out or night in? Both.
20. What items could you not go without during the day? Glucometer, pump, cell phone.
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? I'm blessed that way I guess, I don't know anyone recently who has been to the hospital.
22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? I'm too lazy to get off the couch to go looking for my phone to look.
23. How do you feel about your life right now? There's still a few questions that I would like to have answered, it's been a couple of years now living by the "what if" principle. It would be nice to have something concrete occur.
24. Do you hate anyone? Not at all. There are people that I don't get along with very well, or really could live without, though.
25. If we were to look in your Facebook inbox, what would we find? Emails from all sorts of people for all different reasons.
26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? ummm duh. Yeah.
27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? Of course not, that's a no brainer.
28. What song is stuck in your head? Beautiful Nightmare by Beyonce.
29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., a secret lover or George Clooney? Neither, it's a fireman telling me to evacuate my house because my white-trash neighbors flicked their cig butts on to our side of the duplex, and it is going up in flames.
30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50? At the rate we're going, we won't have grandkids until we're 60.
31. Name something you have to do tomorrow? Brace myself for my sister and her kids to come over for the day! (love ya jenny!)
32. Do you think too much or too little? Too much, I read too much in to things and stress myself out.
33. Do you smile a lot? Yes.
34. How many hours a day do you spend on the computer? On average, probably 1-2 depending on the day.
35. If you could be anyone else for a day, who would you be? President Obama, then I would overturn some of the stupid things he has done. Just saying.....
36. Facebook or Twitter? FaceBook all the way, never have gotten in to Twitter.
37. Chicken or Beef? Baby Back Ribs, y'all!
38. Mac or PC? PC
39. Have you ever punched anyone in the face? Nope, but I've wanted too.
40. Last music received or purchased? Lady Gaga