Okay so we've had our little red-headed ray of sunshine for about 5 weeks now. Everywhere we go, whether it's people we've known for a while, or complete strangers in a restaurant that come to know that she is our foster daughter have started saying the same thing: "She is so lucky to be in your home, and we sure hope that she stays with you forever".
And while this is all well and fine, I don't let it go to my heart. EVER.
For those of you that know the crazy story of the foster boys we had, and the "heart ripped out of our chests" feeling we experienced when they left us, we swore up and down that we were DONE with foster care. After experiencing a case that led to so many people saying things like "get ready, it looks like they are going to be yours", "we the state are going to recommend the boys stay in your home, and move for the rights of the parents to be terminated" and then being told 6 days before court that the state had changed their position and were sending the boys away to live with their grandparents (which turned out to be a great thing though, in the end) I am not taking any word from anyone seriously until a judge rules something one way or another.
You'd think after those types of things being said and done would have made us wave our white flag of surrender and cry "UNCLE" when it came to signing up again to do this. Through a course of events, we were lead down this path again. We felt that God had something up His sleeve this time. We prayed and pondered deeply the implications of taking that step and calling Utah Foster Care to tell them to add us back to their list for available placements (though there were times we wanted to tell them where to stick it...but I digress).
Some of you might think that we are crazy for signing up to do this to ourselves again. Believe me, I feel the same way at times. I'm not even going to say that this little red head is supposed to be ours, because I'm not the One in control. I spent a couple of weeks stressing myself out over things that weren't in my control, and then realized that I am not going to put myself through the emotional stress that I did last time. I would only be setting myself up for the loony bin again (though I hear there are vacancies this time of year...digression again, I know).
I am switching gears again this time. I am going to give it all up to God, and let His will guide this decision to foster again, wherever it may go. Instead of exercising and stretching the boundaries of my sanity (not that there was much to begin with :)) I am going to ride this out on faith. I am thinking more positively, being more supportive of things, and just loving this little one to bits.
I know that God knows that I am not a patient person. That's why this time around I am not cashing my chips on one hope or another. If patience is a virtue, then well......here goes.
2 comments:
I'm glad I'm not the only who has a hard time being patient. :) However, I have learned that things definitely turn out the way they are supposed to in the end.
I am totally not patient. You're doing much better than I would. I am including you guys in my prayers that things work out as they should and it will be a positive experience for you.
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